In a shocking turn of events, crows are now converging on the Pennsylvania State University’s University Park campus to watch fireworks that were originally devised to make them leave.

In 2009, The Office of the Physical Plant (OPP) at Penn State decided that they had had enough.  Crows on the campus were a nuisance and they must fight back.  Teaming up with the State College Borough, the new task force set out on an epic journey to relocate the crow population.  They took professional classes on the uses of screamers and bangers (this may be a satire if you will, but this part is 100% true people), they hung crow’s in effigy in popular nesting places, etc.

But now the crows fight back.

Alan Crow phoned the university when he heard the news.  “I have a friend who lives over at Penn State, John Crow, we went to school together.  He told me that they shoot the fireworks off so close one almost hit him! I thought the best thing to do was to move my family of 50 from boring old Bald Eagle Mountain to the campus to see the show.”  When asked what he thought about his decision, he was ecstatic.  “Joe was right!  The last two nights have been awesome.”

OPP hasn’t announced any new strategies, but some students are speaking out against the methods.

Annie Adderall (Junior, Civil Engineering, Business Administration, Nuclear Engineering, Theater, etc.) said that the fireworks inhibit her studying.  “Everytime I get focused on a subject those damn fireworks explode and scare me!  I’m thinking about transferring to a new school that is more quiet.”  She isn’t the only one.  Joe Football (Sophomore, DUS) said that he has had enough.  “I don’t understand why they just can’t leave the crows alone. I mean, that’s their home man.  Maybe I need to play at a school where crows are accepted as part of the family…”

Regardless of the student’s opinions the ‘screamers and bangers’ have been going off each of the last two nights, attracting more and more families of crows excited about the show.  “I just hope my kids get a good view, it’s pretty rare to see a show this good,” Alan Crow finished.

Enjoy it Alan, it isn’t like this is my tuition money at work…